Breakups can really suck. My ex and I broke up about six months ago, and it was pretty rough– probably the toughest one I’ve ever gone through. While I wouldn’t want to relive it, I think I’m a wiser person now. So today, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned.
- Let yourself cry if you want to. Bottling up the emotions isn’t good for you… It helps to get it out of your system.
- Don’t try to ‘just be friends.’ Don’t agree to this, especially if you are the one who got dumped. Even the most amiable people need time to heal before this can even be possible. And if that person is trying to get you to settle for a friendship, you’re just going to end up selling yourself short. Agreeing to this gives you nothing, and the other person gets to still keep you around without ever giving you any kind of commitment in return. There are probably exceptions, but if I could go back in time, I would have just cut my ex off and saved us both some additional pain and heartbreak.
- If your ex got you into something that you really liked (books, music, movies, etc.), but it hurts to remember, just put that stuff away for a while where you don’t have to see it every day. The same thing goes for gifts they gave you. You can give stuff to Goodwill if you want, but if you think you may want it later, don’t act rashly from the negative feelings you are experiencing. When you start to feel better, you can decide if you really want it around or not.
- Cut out things from your life that make you sad and hold negative memories.
- Own it. For the stuff you’re keeping because you genuinely do like it, give yourself plenty of time, and find ways to make it ‘your’ thing instead of ‘their’ thing. Wait until you’re ready, then listen to the music or watch movies with close friends, as this can help take away the sting.
- Realize that your worth and happiness isn’t tied up in that person. It’s tough, but you don’t need someone who doesn’t really appreciate you. Someone better is out there, so be the best version of yourself that you can be. Exercise, pick up a new hobby, take a class on something you’ve always wanted to do. This helps you meet people with common interests, and gives you something to do besides be lonely and sad.
- Volunteer. (No, not for the Hunger Games.) Help out at your local soup kitchen or at a charity you support. Doing good for others helps you feel needed and like you are doing something that matters.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, and there are lots of websites you can find if you are looking for advice in a particular situation. I’m not an expert, I just wanted to share with you my personal list of things I’ve learned. I hope it’s helpful!